Nickolaus Pacione is a mentally-ill man from Illinois who fancies himself a writer and publisher. Over the past decade, he has stalked, harassed, or threatened over four dozen professional authors including (but not limited to) myself, Cherie Priest, Ramsey Campbell, Mary SanGiovanni, Kealan Patrick Burke, Angelina Hawkes-Craig, Darren McKeeman, Poppy Brite, Ray Garton, Christine Morgan, David Niall Wilson, and many more. In recent years, he has also begun to target minors. Although his threats never progress beyond his basement, they are a source of annoyance and aggravation for many of his victims, and have earned him numerous visits from various law enforcement agencies, as well as several involuntary stays in mental health facilities. Unfortunately, like herpes, he always comes back. And also unfortunately, there is always some well-meaning or kind-hearted person who is not aware of Pacione’s abusiveness, which is why I run these quarterly public service announcements (given his penchant for befriending people on social media and then stalking or harassing people from their friend lists).
And now, having utterly failed as a writer and being exposed as a publisher who doesn’t pay his contributors and prints work without the author’s permission, Pacione has decided to reinvent himself as a concert promoter.
His official announcement:
MC’ing Heavy Metal Shows: My Rider
Those of you who are promoters in Chicago want me to host a live show — I do have a rider this is rather easy too if you can get everything together. I ask for a $190 guarantee for out of state gigs and if you bring a Chicago band in and have me host — you must have someone help me get to the area because I can’t drive. Don’t offer me any alcohol during the show — I refuse to drink on stage when hosting a band or introducing them. When I hosted my friends Neutral Red — I was puking my guts up because my nerves were off the scale. One thing to keep around is a coffee maker; and a lot of coffee. If you can get Tourniquet’s coffee for the show I never had this and those who knew me back when I was 18-19 years old I was drinking as much coffee as Metallica when they drank vodka. The coffee mug if you can grab one — try find a mug based upon H. P. Lovecraft or Edgar Allan Poe, if you can’t get the coffee then two six packs of 24 oz Coke and six cans of Monster Java. I drink the latter on stage when I am introducing a band and helps me relax when I am nervous for friends who never played Chicago. The guarantee pays for both me and the out of state’s food bill and in some ways pays for my hostel dorm in the city. The guarantee have that sent to my paypal.com account and I will get things going — I would sign a few anthologies during the meet and greet so keep room for me to bring in anthologies and what not or if the anthology is pre-signed I will be happy to do a Q&A. Italian Beef or Gyros (this is a Chicago era that is,) if outside of Illinois — find a fast food Italian place so I can have a plate of spaghetti. If you know anywhere you can get street food that’s ideal for me because that’s what I live on when I am traveling around. I am kind of like Anthony from No Reservations in this sense. I don’t go to tourist traps. If you have me in for a few days — please tell me where I can get easy access to a movie theater (if outside of Chicago that is. In the City I would go to The Showplace on the South Side.)
And my official translation:
If you manage a club or concert hall featuring live heavy metal music, and would like a misogynistic, racist, homophobic, deranged squirrel with a voice like Alvin the chipmunk after a tracheotomy to introduce the bands, here are the terms.
1. It’s free if your club is in Chicago. Anywhere else, there is an appearance fee of $190.
2. Plus travel fare because he doesn’t drive.
3. Plus Tourniquet coffee, because he’s never tried it and would like you to pay for it.
4. Plus a coffee mug featuring the likeness of either H.P. Lovecraft or Edgar Allan Poe.
5. Plus two six-packs of 24oz Coke and six cans of Monster Java because these help him relax.
6. But you don’t have to buy his food or the band’s food, because the $190 appearance fee is paying for that.
7. But you do have to provide a place that serves Italian Beef, Gyros, or “a plate of spaghetti” in which he can spend that $190.
8. And also provide a place to sign anthologies.
9. And also provide directions to the nearest movie theater.
And if you still aren’t convinced, have a look at this.
Because that’s exactly what you want careening around on stage before the band plays.
In his announcement, Pacione mentions “hosting his friends Neutral Red”. What this means is he conned his way onstage before the band played. Thanks to the internet, we have two eyewitness accounts of what happened next.
An audience member reported (sic): “it was pretty quick yet painful last night. in the minute or so he was up there he rambled on about something so fucking fast you could hear the crowd going “huh?” he moved one of his arms up at one point causing his concert shirt to pull up over his fat gut which made half the people cheer the other yell “ew” and gross. some chick laughed at that point loud enough to make others and it made him stutter a little more before he finished his spiel and got off the stage. didnt see them attack him though. oh someone yelled that he got the wrong size shirt which made people laugh too but I think he missed it. he was pretty nervous and shakey. and short and fat.”
And a member of Neutral Red added (sic): “pacione did some screaming into the mic (something we asked him to not do – he responded with something about “pumping the crowd up”), which clipped the board, promptly pissing the sound guy off. we then had to quickly explain that it was not us doing the screaming in an attempt to keep the sound guy from giving us the “P.A. fuck” as to which it is somtimes referred.”
So, there you go.
(Special thanks to “L”, “Al Uylik”, and our friends at The Rusty Nail, who helped with this report)